strange how when you look back at your sad memories.. they're the very ones that make you feel comfort and joy even to the extent of happy.. so.. i must be happy.. why else would my face be covered with tears? people come people go.. people move on.. that's life.. why try to go against the call of nature. whoever thought of walking backwards..even only crabs move sideways..
but i think i got lost somewhere. quicksand pulling me in.. stuck in that spot. taking me down.. slowly but surely. why else would i be not able to move.. at all? this life of mine seems to have come to a standstill. pass me by.
last night's tsd performance at vj was pretty good.. quite impressed especially by the war piece.. cleverly done with even the acapella background, props, lightings yada yada. the others were also pretty cool with the bold experiment of the 'caution wet floor' piece. glad i made it. yet.. the entire night i wasnt myself.. i felt conscious of myself.. conscious of my surroundings. time really whisked itself away in front of me.. everything moved forward but speed was retarding and only i remained where i was.. everything felt so surreal.
talking to jean at the busstop made me feel so naive, small and alien to this world. i really am stuck. i havent the courage to move on.. in any possible way u can think of. i dwell with the past. i dream of the past. i live in the past. i am afraid of the future.. even the present. of what it might bring. i dont wanna get hurt. i dont wanna expose myself. cos in the end.. i know i would only bring harm to myself. i would blame myself and afflict more sufferings upon myself. as it is.. it is already happening. **why do your problems always seem so big? well.. probably cos.. they're mine!** you know.. never leave me alone.. never. its the most dangerous thing you can possibly do. cos thats how you get me thinking and thinking and thinking. and that's dangerous.